I promise that not all my posts will be as deep as these or based around mental health but I did not expect to get the response that I did from my prior posts. I realised that opening up about my illness and what I was dealing with really helped others which is my whole purpose for blogging – to reach out to others.
I woke up this morning knowing that I wanted to be productive today, as I aim for every day but I started feeling quite low. It’s so easy for me to become distracted by my negative thoughts and slump back into my old ways but as I’ve progressed and become more aware to my mental state, I’m now trying to challenge my thoughts. I have the forsaken ability to think myself into a complete low and depressive state which I’m trying ever so hard to fight against but it’s definitely easier said than done. The other day I decided I wanted to work more and I fancied another job so I started looking at applications online, the next day I got a call back for an interview so of course I was so happy but by the time the interview day came along, I woke up in the morning and I just did not feel prepared. I’m the type of person who can easily make myself feel guilty for things like not ticking off most things on my to-do list or not attending an interview lol. I just did not feel prepared for this interview, it’s something I was excited about and I suddenly felt crap. I was kind of going back and forth in my head about what to do and I decided I was going to reschedule it for another day. A lot of people won’t understand my thought process and will look at the situation as “why didn’t she just go to the interview, she’s just being lazy” but I’ve realised it’s not my job to make people understand or convince people.
Instead of making myself feel worse about myself for not going to that interview or worrying about other people’s judgement and opinions, I try to look at everything more positively. It’s not that I’m not grateful for the opportunity or that I didn’t want to go to the interview, I just didn’t feel good about it at the time and I wouldn’t want to jeopardise my chances of getting the job knowing I’m not giving it my all. I told myself I made the best decision and there’s nothing wrong with rescheduling! This allows me time to prepare and a decent amount of headspace.
It’s a challenge. But I’m going to challenge all my negative thoughts. I’m going to take back control of my life! I hope this helps lovelies.