The Big Chop, Again!

Okay so it’s not exactly a big chop as I already did one about 6 months ago which I’ll link the blog post for here, but I have recut my hair and this time it’s even shorter! I cut my hair the first time 1) because it was damaged from straightening and colouring and 2) because I was really ready for a change and I needed that change to be something drastic, so chopping off most of my hair seemed very fitting. I’m very lucky that my hair grows really quickly which it did and almost six months later I was umming and ahhing about whether I wanted to grow it all out or cut it again and I chose to cut it!

I had quite long, thick, golden curls which I adored and so did many others. I always appreciated the comments I got for my hair, from friends and even strangers. People always had questions about “how” I got it so curly which was strange to me because it was all natural (apart from the colour), but apparently it was strange that as a black girl I had such curly hair and most people assumed I had to have some kind mix in me lmao. When I was younger, I enjoyed the attention my hair brought me but now I’m older, I’m completely over it. It becomes very boring constantly being addressed by or referred to by terms that don’t actually describe your character. It feels as though people look at you and the first/only thing they notice is your hair.

One of the main reasons behind cutting my hair was so that when people see me, they focus on my face, my voice, body language etc. If someone’s going to describe me I’d rather them describe me as the girl with a beautiful smile or say something about my character/personality because that’s a better representation of who I am. Without all my hair, people will have no choice but to look a little deeper so I decided to strip myself bare. I’m currently trying to find out the woman I am, learn parts of me I never knew and I want that to be as transparent as possible. I’m trying to emphasise that through whatever I do and blogging is a great way to express that.

When I did my first big chop I felt so free and liberated. Most of us – not just women constantly worry about what our hair looks like and with my curls, it was so much effort to make sure I looked good. On days where I just couldn’t be bothered I would still have to make some kind of effort, I could never just get up and go because I’d look like I had a birds nest on my head. Literally the day I got my hair cut I knew I made such a great choice. It takes me less time to get ready, I don’t stress about what hairstyle to do everyday/week, and I save so much money not having to buy as many hair products to maintain it all.

It might seem dramatic, but I feel like I’ve changed how people view me just from cutting my hair off. Like I said, it forces people to look past the hair and actually pay attention to me. A year ago I would never imagined going for the big chop because my hair was so precious to me but now I think “it’s just hair” and in reality it is. It might have taken me a while to come to that realisation but I’m glad I have, there are many things about myself that I thought made me who I am when in actual fact, they’re just surface level things that don’t actually represent me. I’m also a complete introvert, I’m really shy and hold back on most things and having big hair means I can easily hide behind it all. Along with finding myself, I have this challenge to do things out of my comfort zone. A year ago I would have never been comfortable even thinking about cutting my hair off, I’d hate having to trim my dead ends! But I have now found so much peace and confidence in losing what I thought made me who I am.

Once I feel satisfied building my character as I am now, I will definitely be experimenting with colours and wigs and different styles with confidence in knowing that my hair no longer plays a role in shaping who I am. The beauty of versatility.

I am not my hair, I am not my skin. I am the soul that lives within. – India Arie

elisekirstenxo.

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